Sigh.. my life's pretty screwed up now. Sometimes I wonder if it was a right decision to start my own business. So much pressure and stress to handle but nobody would understand unless they are also doing the same thing. Everyone thinks my life is too easy but NO, It's not true at all. Not. one. bit.
My mum is so judgmental I really cannot take it sometimes! And my dad is in his own world most of the time. I don't know why I don't get affected by what people around me say, but when my parents starts talking to me and if I get the vibe that they are slightly unhappy with me, I'd literally break down. But never in front of them, so they think I'm always so unserious or like, y'know, flippant? My mum's favourite phrase: "I talk to you, you one ear in one ear out" Haha. I think parent's words are so powerful? They somehow shape who you are, whether you'd grow up to be a confident person or like autistic. Haha. I get soooo affected every. single. time. I think to myself how I've never once talked back to them, or even raised my voice a little before because I respect and love them. But they don't! Take me and my graciousness for granted lor. No one takes me seriously. Well.. can't blame, think it's the way I portray myself to people.
Usually, I'd keep everything to myself cause to me, it's a waste of time talking to people. Not really a waste of time, but I don't bother trying to explain. People would tell you, ya I understand and all but do they really? No. My topics with people are usually damn superficial so people around me probably thinks I'm a bimbo? I don't know. But only my closer friends whom I open up to knows I'm more than that.
But good thing is, I'm able to handle myself and I don't let too much emotions get into my head. A good sleep is enough for me to forget everything. I think bad things always come to you at one shot and you'd feel like why you're so suay and all.. but hey, there's always a rainbow after the rain? So if you are able to handle all the "bad things" and not let it get to you, I'm sure good things will come to you soon!
Hate to feel upset. I hate it. My greatest wish is to be happy everyday. Whatever happiness means to you. Need a getaway soon. This December, I will be gone for 3 weeks, alone. To a place maybe some of you have never heard before or would think I'm crazy to go there alone. Oh well....
To be happy, need my happy pills. My babycakes!
Can you see my extra cheeks not huh huh huh?! Why ah? Wish I can remove it!!
You don't know how much I love you. X.
Okayzzz.. want everyone to be happy! Life's too short to be upset about this and that. Got no time for all that.
Love you pumpkin pies!
31.10.09
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